10 Things of Hate & Love
by Mikage24
Summary: They didn't have the heart to hate the others, but hated themselves instead for falling in this painful relationship. [RanShinichiShiho's trilogy]


This is a trilogy about Ran/Shinichi/Shiho relationship that reflects their thoughts in each chapter. Inspiration came from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You.

Credits goes to Astarael00 for editing this story (god bless her ;D)

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**10 Things She Hated About Herself**

**Part 1 of 3: Shiho Miyano**

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1. **

She hated herself for being so weak, for being the helpless little girl that was crushed down by the cruel twists of fate. Watching, and keeping silent tears deep inside her heart were the only thing she could do as they killed her own parents. The desperate pleas, the painful cries of the ones she loved burned into her mind, leaving a deep scar that would never be healed.

**2.**

She hated herself for her mistakes. Sinking deep in the darkness, she foolishly desired power to protect her only sister, the last remaining link of her far away past. She served the people who destroyed her family, only to help them kill more. She lived holding onto thoughts of the only one that meant something to her in this world, only to receive a lifeless body one day. In her fight with the fate, she never won once.

**3.**

She hated herself for the little part which always yearned for love. Maybe it was the desire from her lost days in the past, something that she had long forgotten. Or so she'd thought. Because of it, she carelessly let his image slip into her heart. Because of it, she unknowingly wanted something that never belonged to her. Because of it, she hopelessly couldn't let him go.

**4.**

She hated herself for the way she had became too attached to him, too dependant on him. There she was, the genius doctor, a former well-trained member of the Black Organization, taken care of by an old scientist and protected by a young detective, the avatar of justice. She hated it more the way he made it seem so natural, saving her countless time from their black hunters and even her guilty self. That was a bad habit, her conscience cried, because it would be hard to get rid of.

**5.**

She hated herself because she always seemed like an open book to him. One glance at her face, one stare into her eyes, and he would feel her emotions like his own. Her fear, her guilt, her pain, they never found a way to hide from his piercing gaze. She didn't know whether it was because he had been observing her all the time, or her mask was slowly melting without her knowing, but she hated it. She hated the way it made she feel like he was the one for her, when he obviously never was.

**6.**

She hated herself for those effects he had on her. He just had to hold her hand, and she would feel solaced; he just had to pull her into his arms, and she would feel safe; he just had to wipe always her tears, and she would feel calm. He woke all emotions that she had buried deep in her heart, offering her new feelings that she never had. Being with him was like the most interesting experiment that she never wanted to finish.

**7.**

She hated herself for having been trained to remain cool in any situation, because of which now she didn't know how to deal with the unfamiliar feelings he gave her. He offered them sincerely, as if it was the nature of humanity, but she just wasn't any other girl who could return them. She would turn away to hide the faint blush in her cheeks whenever he involuntarily caused it; her smile would automatically transform to a heartless smirk that would irritate him, and cover her amusement behind; she could never mutter a thanks for all his efforts instead of her usual heated retorts and sarcasms. There too was something in her heart, that she could never say and he would never know.

**8.**

She hated herself for the first time in her emotionless life that she felt jealous. If there were things she truly wanted for once, they would be the ones that girl owned: an ordinary home, living parents, carefree life, good friends and perhaps, someone to care for. Life was ironic, she realized, for she would have to be practically jealous of all other girls in the world if she had enough emotion to do so. She would trade anything that she had, including the genius brain that her organization had once treasured so much, to be just normal.

**9.**

She hated herself for being the logical one all the time. Observing and calculating have became her unwanted hobbies. For once, she really wished to put aside all her worries, to blind herself to the truth, so she could be just a normal girl and daydream about her knight in shining armor, pretend that there was one. However, being the logical one she preferred not to do so, for she already knew the cruel reality after that.

**10.**

She hated herself for being too greedy, for wanting too much when she wasn't supposed to. She had nothing to give and had no right to receive. She only caused misery for the people she loved. Her mother, her father, and her sister had died to protect her, and she couldn't afford to destroy him too for her selfish sake. He had already risked his life to protect her, offering her a new one, teaching her more than the ones that raised her could. She would keep telling herself: that was enough.

Sometimes, she really hated being Shiho Miyano.

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So... how about it? Love it? Hate it? Comments would be appreaciated XD 

The next one will feature our famous childhood sweetheart: Ran Mouri.


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